


Tightrope

by thequeentaylor



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alpha Lexa (The 100), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Jealous Clarke Griffin, Jealous Lexa (The 100), Mating Bites, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Minor Clarke Griffin/Niylah, Omega Clarke Griffin, Partner Betrayal, Post-Betrayal, Running Away, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:35:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26418811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequeentaylor/pseuds/thequeentaylor
Summary: With the betrayal at Mount Weather, Clarke finds herself unable to forgive her once lover. Alone and heartbroken, Clarke spirals down a world of self loathing bringing herself further away from Lexa. And Lexa will do anything to get her back, but who says it will be easy?
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Niylah
Comments: 148
Kudos: 332





	1. May We Meet Again

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I'm happy to share my first story with you. I've been a crazy obsessed Clexa fan for years now, constantly reading fanfics. Now it's time to give back! I'm also a Clexa (and general femslash) youtube editor if you want to check out my channel and subscribe!  
> http://www.youtube.com/TaylorLynn127 
> 
> If you would like to chat or get to know me as well as receive updates on my stories please follow me here!  
> http://www.twitter.com/ClexaWriter
> 
> Thanks for reading! Be sure to give kudos, comments and subscribe!  
> P.S: check out the song Tightrope by LP as it's the theme song of this fanfiction!

Lexa stands infront of the long war table, maps splayed out before her. She's leaning ever so slightly forward, her eyes tracing the lines on the map.  
Clarke stares at her at the other end, hands shaking slightly against her side. She's scared, distressed pheromones going off and Lexa clinches her jaw noticing.

"Clarke, please…" Lexa says gently, causing Clarke to snap out of her translucent state.

"Sorry."

Lexa gives her a gentle smile before coming around the table towards her. She takes both of Clarke's hands in hers, bringing them to her chest. Both of their hearts are pounding like the sound of war drums as Lexa begins to speak.

"This is what it means to be a leader, Clarke. We must face the unknown sometimes and we must always win."

"Is that supposed to make it any easier? Because it does not."

Lexa stands tall before the frightened omega, her bravery never faltering as Clarke struggles to hold onto her own.

"I won't let anything bad happen to you."  
Clarke squeezes her hand, smiling gently. "I know that, Lexa. But we don't know what we're really facing tomorrow."

"We'll face it together."

Lexa lets go of her hands, only to move a delicate hand behind her neck and pull her in for a passionate kiss. Clarke reciprocates immediately, lips gliding against Lexa's own. Her hands wrap around her pulling her flush against her. Lexa growls into the kiss, fighting for dominance with Clarke's tongue.

"I want this. I want you. Please, atleast tonight before possibly facing our inevitable deaths." Clarke whispers against her lips, resisting the urge to moan as Lexa's hands travel up and down her spine.

Lexa's inner alpha roars inside with her words, opening up to her primal instincts. Clarke lets out a small yelp in surprise when Lexa picks her up and sets her on top of the war table, shoving the maps off in her frenzy. The wood feels cold against Clarke's back, Lexa looking down at her with dark eyes like she's absolutely about to devour her. And oh, does she plan to. All Lexa wants to do is rip her clothes off and thrust into her roughly, succumbing to her hidden desires for the blonde. But this is Clarke and she loves her, Lexa reminds herself as she stands between her legs. So in knowing this, she holds back her own dominant nature.

Her hands run under Clarke's shirt, feeling the smooth skin beneath. It sends shivers down Clarke's spin. Lexa feels the binding holding Clarke's breasts together and growls, frustrated at the thing keeping her from feeling them for the first time.

Clarke sits up momentarily, lifting her shirt up over her head. Lexa watches in a transfixed state as she then undoes her bindings. Clarke's breasts spring free, so perfectly round and big. Lexa doesn't hesitate to cup one in her hand as her lips close around a nipple, sucking and rolling it between her teeth. Clarke is already whimpering beneath her, feeling undone by Lexa's ecstatic touches.

Lexa is painfully hard and erect in her black jeans, starting to rub against Clarke's center. Lexa has never felt like such a pup before now, feeling dazed and embarrassed as she's about to combust by some heated foreplay.

"Lexa," Clarke says between stiffling moans. "I need you to fuck me right now."

Lexa lets one of the nipples go from her mouth, hands flying to her belt and undoing her pants. She pulls it all down off her legs leaving her bare and exposed before Clarke.

Clarke lets out an audible gulp upon seeing Lexa's large straining cock. She wonders how that thing is possibly going to fit inside her and oh, does she want to find out!

Clarke begins to unbutton her pants before Lexa wastes no time ripping them off, panties and all. Clarke shivers, blaming the cool air on her now completely nude body and not on Lexa's ravishing stare. Lexa follows suit, removing her top and bindings leaving her completely nude as well.  
Clarke tentatively reaches out to Lexa, hands traveling from her shoulders to the valley between her breasts and down her stomach. She stops, hands trailing above Lexa's hard member. Lexa gives her a slow nod before Clarke wraps a hand around her shaft. The contact alone makes Lexa jolt and moan loudly, feeling some precum start to drip off the head.

"I want you to fuck me hard." It's so dirty and vulgar that Lexa can hardly believe it came from Clarke's lips.

Her alpha roars in response, shoving Clarke back down hard against the table. She grabs a fistful of blonde hair, tugging her head towards her face.

"Do you know how long I've wanted to do this?" Lexa says, lips hovering over Clarke's.

Clarke is whimpering and so fucking wet she just shakes her head causing Lexa to continue.  
"Since the first time I saw you I wanted to take you on my thrown."

The mental image that enters Clarke's mind has her reeling, moaning "Lexa, please."

Lexa straddles Clarke, hitching her legs around Lexa's waist. Her anxious cock hovers just above Clarke's wet entrance. With a small nod from Clarke, she thrusts inside.

Clarke's nails begin to dig into Lexa's shoulder blades, wincing from the large evasion. Lexa stills above her, eyes fixed on Clarke waiting for the signal to move. When Clarke finally grants it, Lexa pulls out and thrusts back in sending them both moaning. She moves a stray lock of hair from Clarke's face, kissing her lightly before beginning to thrust hard into Clarke.

"Clarke, baby, you feel so good." Lexa says between thrusts.

Clarke bites her lip to keep from screaming because she's never felt so stretched and full in her life. Then again, she's never been with an Alpha let alone one as strong as Lexa. With each thrust she feels herself getting closer and closer to the edge.

Lexa licks her way up Clarke's neck, hovering over her scent gland. The enticing urge to just bite down hard and mate Clarke is overwhelming. She holds back but bites down above it, causing Clarke to thrust up into her and yell her name. Lexa grabs both breasts, squeezing them as she continues to thrust into Clarke with abandon. She feels herself get close, precum already entering Clarke's womb.

The knot begins to form at the base of her head and it takes everything in Lexa not to sink her teeth into Clarke for good this time. Lexa unashamedly begins to rut into Clarke, and Clarke starts to come. She clenches around Lexa's shaft, eyes squeezed shut in pure ecstasy. Her back arches and her body trembles as she screams Lexa's name like it's a choir symphony.

Feeling Clarke come around her, Lexa gives a few sputtering thrusts before she spills herself inside Clarke. It feels like a giant waterfall being released inside Clarke's womb and she pumps as much as she can out of her throbbing hard cock. Clarke is absolutely mewling beneath her.

Lexa's knot pushes at Clarke's entrance, ready to split her open and with little hesitancy Lexa pushes it inside her lover. Clarke shakes beneath her, back arching and Lexa clamps down on a nipple to keep herself from screaming as more cum gushes out from them tying together.

Lexa rests her body on top of Clarke's, head on her chest. She knows they will be tied for awhile as she traces circles on Clarke's bare skin.

"I love you, Clarke." Lexa says, baring her heart and soul, eyes softening as she looks down at Clarke.

Clarke smiles that electric smile of hers at Lexa and whispers, "I love you too, Lexa."

* * *

Clarke wakes up feeling loved and content, unaware of the heartbreak about to befall her. Lexa leads her people into battle that evening and Clarke leads hers.

They are a magnetic power duo that cannot be beat and Clarke takes comfort in that as she heads towards the mountain with Lexa by her side.

She feels anxious and concerned when Lexa disappears from her side, unable to be found. Clarke starts to wonder what the hold up is until Lexa appears, regal and powerful as ever. Cane is by her side and Clarke can't shake the invisible hand around her throat at his sighting. That's when Lexa speaks, shattering her world.

The words tumbling out of her mouth make Clarke go numb, barely making out the "I made this choice with my head and not my heart" that comes from Lexa.

She stands tall, eyes devoid of all emotion as she metaphorically drives the knife through Clarke's heart. She doesn't remember her dad's death hurting as bad as this.

Lexa, as stoic as ever says, "May we meet again."  
Clarke can only try to hold back the sobs, catching a faint glimpse of Lexa holding in her own. Lexa turns her back on Clarke just like that and walks away, leaving her lover to an unknown fate.

After standing there for what feels like a century, Clarke gathers her thoughts and enters the mountain ready to save her people. Bellamy is at her side this time and they make the impossible decision of pulling that lever condemning the whole community inside to a wicked fate. The smell of burnt flesh is something she doesn't think she will ever forget.  
Bellamy, her ever loyal lap dog, does his best to entice her to come back home as Clarke stands outside its gates. Her feet feel rooted to the ground and she doesn't dare enter even with much persuasion from Bellamy. This is goodbye and he knows it. She knows it.

She embraces him, arms tightening around his large frame as she whispers "May we meet again."

Just as quickly as Clarke was there, she's gone, fading into the forest and the deep vast unknown that comes with it.


	2. Grief and Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa are both grieving and struggling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I appreciate the support so far with this story! If I get continous support I'll try to update every week! 
> 
> In the meantime, make sure to follow me on twitter for updates, etc.!  
> http://www.twitter.com/ClexaWriter

The pain in her heart never goes away, no matter how much she tries. Nor does the blonde beauty ever stop from evading her every waking thought. She feels numb but at the same time hypersensitive. She wants to claw her heart out to see if it's still there because it no longer feels there. Deep shades of blue is haunting her, she is haunting her. Gripping the arms of her throne, Lexa sits there wondering why it still feels like Clarke has such a strong grip on her own heart and why she has such little control over her emotions. Love is weakness repeats over and over in her head like a mantra. But Lexa knows she's in love, there's no denying it. She is in love with Clarke kom Skaikru and she would do anything to get her back.

Titus opens the double door, walking hurriedly inside. He's as stiff as a board when he enters, obviously carrying bad news. He stops just before the throne and bows his head slightly.

"Heda…" he starts but stops as Lexa holds up one hand, silencing him.

"Please tell me you found her." The desperation in her voice doesn't go unnoticed by either of them.

Titus gulps, hands fumbling behind his back. Sometimes he really hates his job. "No Heda, we could not locate Wanheda."

The alpha pheromones she begins pumping out are valiant and Titus nearly doubles over in pain. He begins exposing his neck to Lexa in submission but that's not enough for her. He's unprepared for her next move as she flies out of her seat, hands outstretched ready to grab his throat.

"You had one job!" She yells, voice echoing throughout the room. "Give me one reason not to rip your jugular out."

Lexa wouldn't be surprised if Titus pisses himself from his tremors, eyes bulging out in sheer terror. Her nails dig into his neck and she squeezes, forcing an answer right out of him.

"I will find her, Heda! I will not fail you this time!"

She relents, letting go. Titus doubles over, barely standing as he clutches his neck in pain.

"That won't be necessary, Titus." She speaks with calm precision.

Lexa's pacing comes to a halt as she faces him, an eerie distant smile on her pristine face. Titus has a reason to fear the next words coming out of her mouth as she says, "I'll find her myself."

* * *

Clarke stumbles, nearly tripping over another tree branch. Her feet feel heavy and her eyes strain from her forcing them open for so long. _I have to keep_ _going_ , she tells herself dragging her aching feet with her. She doesn't know where she is but it's far away from the life she once lived and that's good enough for her. The further she is away from Lexa the better.

"Fucking Lexa," she mutters under her breath, huffing as she starts climbing up a small hill.

Clarke doesn't think she's ever hated someone so much in her life, not even Jaha. Maybe not even herself. I hate her and her stupid Alpha face. Clarke tells herself, knowing damn well it's not true. She hates how gorgeous Lexa is, how absolutely jaw dropping her facial features and body are as if it's sculpted to perfection. She also hates how she can never get her out of her head or how much her inner omega still wants her.

She's tired, so tired. She blames her sleep deprived brain on her lucid thoughts about Lexa. Why else would she think about her? That's the only logical explanation Clarke can come up with.

She walks into a compact clearing and sees a hut standing before her, lit up with small lights. Clarke wonders if she can steal some food from this place as she approaches. To her luck, it seems to be a little shop.

She enters between the hanging curtain and is immediately met with a bunch of random trinkets. It looks to be some machinery designs and her first thought is _Raven would probably love this place._

She sees some packages of berries and dried meats, heading nonchalantly towards them. Her stomach growls and Clarke knows it has been days since she last ate. She looks around before shoving some berries, fruits, and meats into her pockets. So obscure in her petty theft, she misses someone coming up from behind her.

A hand grabs her wrist and tugs roughly, knocking some packages out of her hands. They land on the floor with a thud and Clarke jolts out of her trance.  
"What do you think you're doing?"

Clarke turns, wrist locked in a tight grip seeing a woman standing at her side. She's a bit taller, lean with braided blonde hair. She doesn't look threatening but Clarke knows not to test her.

"I'm sorry," Clarke blurts out, a bit terrified. "I haven't eaten in days and I have no money."

"How is that my problem?"

There's no sympathy in her tone and  
Clarke feels absolutely screwed.

"It's not." Clarke mutters in defeat. "If you let go of my hand, I'll put them back."

The woman studies her briefly, eyes raking over her frail form. She knows Clarke looks starved with her bony wrist and shrunken frame. Pity takes over her knowing she can't send this woman on her way to starve in the woods.

She relents, sighing. "Keep it, looks like you need it."

Clarke should probably feel offended but all she feels is relief and wonders if this woman will judge her if she starts devouring some of this food infront of her. All manners aside, Clarke reaches for one out of her pocket to rip it open. The woman, Niylah however stops her.

"Let me make you something," she smiles lightly. "I'm a pretty good cook."

Clarke can't hide the stunned look from her face, but quickly nods. She can't remember the last time someone has ever cooked for her. It might have been her dad when she was a child, unaware of the horrors of the world.

"Thank you, I'd love that."

Niylah leads her to the back behind another curtain and into what looks to be where the woman lives. It's a small room void of all light except the fireplace that lights up the room. There's a small bed pushed up against the farthest wall and a sense of tidiness throughout the room despite collections of antiques that litter the shelves.

Clarke walks around the room looking at various foreign items as Niylah puts something in the skillet over the fire.

"You like to collect things." It wasn't a question but more of an observation from Clarke.

Niylah still has her back to Clarke when she speaks, pouring some herbs over the cooking deer meat. "It's kind of my thing."

Clarke warily takes a seat on the bed. Niylah has no other chairs and her legs are screaming from exhaustion.

"What do you sell here?"

"Anything people will buy."

"Cool." Clarke sucks at small talk and she knows it. Niylah doesn't seem to mind.

Niylah reaches for a metal plate, putting the cooked deer meat on it. She brings it over to Clarke, sitting next to her on the bed. Clarke can't deny how starved she is as she tears into the meat as soon as it's set in front of her.

With a mouthful of meat, she remembers some manners. "Thank you."

Niylah nods, just silently staring at her as she eats. Clarke in any other circumstance would feel uncomfortable but she is well passed caring. She was devouring the meat, all proper etiquette be damned.

"I can make more." Niylah breaks the silence.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks."

The meat is gone in less than a minute and Clarke feels content in days. She's grateful for the warm meal and feels the most comfortable she has been in days. But she knows not to overstay her welcome.

"I should go."

"Who says you have to go?"

Clarke looks down, away from her fixed stare. "I probably overstayed my welcome."

Niylah shrugs. "I'm more curious why an unclaimed omega like yourself is wandering these woods half starved."

"It's a long story." Clarke answers with haste. She doesn't want to talk about it.

"I've got all night." Niylah stares at her with such intensity Clarke feels like she might crumble.

"I'd rather be doing other things."

Niylah raises a brow with mild curiosity. "What might that be?"

Clarke feels the word tumble out before she can reign in her sexually starved omega. "You."

Niylah seems pleased with that answer and doesn't hesitate as she pulls Clarke closer, interlocking their lips together. There is no passion and love, just frenzied lust. This isn't Lexa and Clarke hates that is what she's thinking about as she runs her tongue across Niylah's teeth. She hates how she scrutinizes Niylah's hands against her sides, how they don't leave a fiery trail across her skin like Lexa's do. _Stop fucking thinking about her!_

Clarke just wants to forget and feel something other than this gnawing pain in her heart. That's why she is entertaining the idea with this Beta, this complete stranger who holds some mystery that Clarke wants to dabble with. In any normal circumstances, Clarke might pursue something with this woman. She's attractive and kind, but nothing can truly form when Lexa still has a hold of her heart.

Clarke pushes Niylah back into the mattress, straddling her as she removes her shirt. Niylah looks up at her with pure lust in her eyes and Clarke is haunted by green. Niylah is no fool and sees Clarke is at war inside her own mind.

"Let go," Niylah can tell she's overthinking things. "Just give in."

And that's exactly what Clarke does.

* * *

Clarke wakes from her brief slumber in Niylah's bed, blanket covering her naked form. Niylah is still awake, propped up on one elbow as delicate fingers play with loose strands of Clarke's blonde hair. She smiles gently when their eyes meet.

"You're beautiful," Niylah says it with such adoration Clarke doesn't know quite how to respond. So she just lays there in silence, missing Lexa. She wants those words to come from Lexa but they're done and it's over Clarke quickly reminds herself. She knows her heart is far too wounded to ever fully heal with Lexa anywhere near her. It's a wounded heart that won't stop bleeding. A heart she won't let Lexa fill with her empty promises and lies again.

Clarke lays there, staring up at the ceiling as her stomach feels uneasy. She chalks it up to nerves.

"What's your name?" Niylah asks, breaking the silence. "Mine is Niylah."

"Clarke."

Niylah stops the ministrations with her hair. Clarke turns and looks at her with a puzzled look on her face. "What?"

"You don't know?"

"Know what?" Clarke begins to sit up now from seeing Niylah's frazzled look.

"There's been search parties looking for you."

Clarke grows tense, afraid she's being hunted down for what she did at Mount Weather. She's half tempted to just turn herself in and face the consequences besides the never ending guilty conscious she has.

"The Commander is offering a hefty reward to bring you unharmed."

Fear and guilt quickly turns into uncontrollable rage. Of course Lexa is behind this. How easy it is for her to just betray Clarke and then send out search parties to regain the control she once had over the unclaimed Omega. Like always, sending others to do her bidding. Clarke couldn't be more furious. She may have cut all ties to Lexa, but Lexa refuses to leave her alone it seems. It makes everything more difficult especially with Clarke desperately trying to move on. How foolish of Clarke to think she could just disappear off into the night and leave the bad memory of Lexa's betrayal behind. It's as if she wants to be a ghostly reminder of what all has happened.

She feels the hold Lexa still has over her and wants to scream. Instead she sits there, basking in her fury.  
Niylah tentatively places a hand on her arm. "Clarke, talk to me."

"The Commander is my ex."

Clarke might as well have nuked the whole joint with Niylah's reaction. She instantly recoils, probably scared shitless knowing Lexa would have her killed for even breathing in the omegas direction let alone _fucking her._

"Please don't turn me in." Clarke begs. She's scared too for an entirely different reason.

"I won't turn you in but you can't stay here."

"I have nowhere else to go. I'm not safe alone out there. She will find me and I can't let that happen."

Niylah likes Clarke and under normal circumstances she would also pursue her, but now she's frightened to be around the blonde. She knows what the Commander is capable of and she's smart enough to know not to cross her.

"Why can't you let her find you?" Niylah asks.

"She betrayed me and for that I can never forgive her."

Niylah nods in understanding but the nerves won't subside. She feels absolutely torn. She feels for Clarke, she truly does. It's never safe for an unclaimed omega out alone not knowing who or what she may encounter. She wants to protect Clarke but not at the cost of her own life. She has heard many stories of the Commander's terrible wrath and it's not something she ever wishes to experience.

Clarke doesn't know what comes over her but she's rushing to a pail as nausea takes over. She empties up her entire stomach in seconds, suddenly feeling worn and fatigued. She sits there, head slumped over and hair sticking to her forehead due to sweat.

Niylah watches from the bed, eyes widening upon a realization. "Clarke, could you be pregnant?"


	3. The Search

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Niylah deal with the pregnancy while Lexa continues to search for Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, so I have some things I really want to get off my chest. 
> 
> First off, I will no longer be accepting or dealing with any hateful mean comments so don't waste your time or mine by writing them. I will delete them all... you will not get a reaction or any sort of validation from me with your arrogance and rudeness. The mean comments have made me question whether to even continue this story and I will no longer let anyone have that power over me. It's also why I took longer to update because I felt so kicked down. Leaving me mean comments WILL NOT make me change the story. I'm the author and I'm not taking suggestions. I'm also not asking anyone to help me write it. You either like it and want to see where the story goes, or you don't. It's that simple.
> 
> Second, since I apparently have to say this.... CLARKE AND LEXA ARE NOT TOGETHER. They have broken up since Lexa's betrayal so no, Clarke is not cheating. No, this isn't a cheating fanfic either. And also no, this is not a Niylah/Clarke love story either. I will always only write Clexa stories, and yes Clexa will be endgame. So please, calm down and trust me. This story is painful and really angsty, but you'll like where it leads. You will get the ending you seek. 
> 
> Third, from here on out... it's going to get worse before it gets better with how Clarke feels about Lexa. I'm not defending her, I'm not saying she's right. Clarke is not thinking clearly and won't be for awhile. So grab the tissues and buckle up as it's going to be a wild ride!
> 
> Last but not least, follow me on twitter for updates and if you wanna chat! :)  
> http://www.twitter.com/ClexaWriter

Clarke is sitting in the corner, rocking back and forth like a wounded animal. Since her newfound revelation she has been in a catatonic state for the past two hours completely inconsolable. That doesn't mean Niylah has stopped trying. She's sitting cross legged on the floor, a good six feet away from Clarke. 

Clarke is absolutely beside herself with the news. She's scared and shocked wondering how she's going to get through this. Niylah has offered her soothing words of encouragement but she can't shake how alone she feels in this very moment. She has always wanted children at some point, just not at this time. Especially with her life in such disarray and not on good terms with the other half of this equation. Now she knows with all certainty she is trapped and bonded to Lexa for life. The thought terrifies and thrills her at the same.

She feels incapable of raising a child on her own, too prideful to run back to Lexa asking for help. She will do this on her own, what other option does she have?  _ Lexa is an option, _ she thinks and quickly curses herself for having such an elusive thought enter her mind in the first place. She's dead set on doing this solely on her own, Lexa be damned. 

"Clarke," Niylah breaks the uncomfortable silence. "Please talk to me."

"I have nothing to say." She has plenty to say but she's afraid once she starts speaking she might never stop. 

"You have options." 

"I'm keeping it."

Niylah nods, not arguing. "Then I'll support you." 

"Why would you support me? We just met." It's a genuine question Clarke wants to know the answer to. Niylah has shown her so much kindness it's baffling. Clarke is not used to experiencing much kindness throughout her life, especially here on Earth.

"I like you." Niylah says it so casually that it takes Clarke by surprise. She feels a jolt in her heart that she hasn't felt since…  _ don't go there Clarke.  _

"I've also felt alone for so long that it's nice having someone around." She also adds.

Clarke is swept away by Niylah's kindness and devotion; two things she longed for with Lexa. It's two things she realizes she now desperately needs in a mate and while Niylah is stirring up some butterflies she thought were long dead, she also can't shake the feeling that this is  _ wrong.  _ Looking at Niylah and Niylah answering her questioning gaze by interlocking their hands, Clarke wonders with time if she can truly forget Lexa and love the woman before her. It brings a stabbing pain in her chest, like the tear of a knife slicing her in half at the thought. While Lexa might have been brief, she also can't remember what life was like before her. These are things she shouldn't be thinking about in the presence of another woman declaring loyalty and commitment. Clarke knows it and curses Lexa for it. 

"I'm not ready," Clarke blurts out realizing her heart has taken the reins on this one. Somehow, she doesn't regret speaking the words. She remembers saying these exact same words before, in what feels like another lifetime. 

Niylah gives her a weak smile but hastily nods, burying any disappointment she feels. "That's okay, take your time." 

  
  


* * *

  
  


_ One week later _

  
  
  


Lexa swings down from her horse, legs aching from exhaustion. For a week now, she has rode on for as long as her body would let her before collapsing from pure exhaustion. She's aware she is pushing her limits by riding all day with little to no breaks, fatigue slowly creeping up on her. She stops well past sundown and wakes before sunrise, the most she gets is a couple hours of sleep a night. 

Lexa's ever so resilient companion, Zakhar, takes the long rides as best as one could hope for. His coat black as coal, fitting in well with the dark and offering stealth in the night. She can faintly tell that he too is reaching his limit with these long treks. 

She has heard no news of Clarke and it devastates Lexa. She has traveled from town to town asking about a blonde haired beauty they might have seen wandering about. No one has seen her and Lexa feels like someone is squeezing her heart with an iron grip. Her mind begins to run rampant with thoughts of Clarke in danger. It keeps her awake most nights when she struggles to sleep. It also makes the search for her more diligent. Lexa knows she can't and won't stop until she finds Clarke, dead or alive.

She sets up camp for the night, tying her horse's reins to a tree. She starts a fire to keep her warm and uses blankets from her saddle bag to make her bed for the night. Lexa does all of this as she thinks about Clarke. 

She can almost remember what it feels like to hold her close, to feel her body heat radiating off of her and keeping each other warm. She remembers the soft touch of her lips, the ghost of a smile as they consummated the relationship. The feel of Clarke beneath her, hands all over her body. She misses that electric feeling and wonders if she will ever experience it again. She regrets not mating with the omega when she had the opportunity and now she might not ever get another one. The thought is gut wrenching. 

Lexa lays her head down, pulling the blanket up over her shoulders. She lays there staring at the embers of the fire as she falls asleep thinking about Clarke like she always does. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Clarke and Niylah fall into a comfortable routine with each in the past week. Niylah works the store during the day while Clarke hides in the back, reading some collector books that somehow survived the apocalypse so long ago. Niylah in the evening cooks food for them both, making small talk trying to get Clarke to open up to her more. Her efforts go mostly unnoticed by the blonde, who diverts her attention to sex. It's something Niylah is faintly aware of that this is all she's going to get from Clarke. It's discouraging but Niylah will take what she can get for right now.

Discussing Clarke's pregnancy is off limits completely. It's something Clarke has reiterated over and over again to Niylah. She does her best to pretend not to notice Niylah giving her more rations and encouraging her to eat as much as she can possibly consume. To most it would be endearing but to Clarke it only makes her more frustrated about her current predicament. 

This becomes Clarke's new life, a week old routine she tries her best adjusting to. Hiding away in Niylah's shop and home is the safest place for her. Clarkes knows it, always keeping herself out of sight when customers come in and out of the store. She wonders if it will always be like this. The most excitement Clarke gets out of her day is when she eavesdrops on the customers that like to chatter absent-mindedly while they shop. 

That is, until today. The shop door swings open and she's immediately engulfed with Alpha pheromones. Clarke feels like someone poured a bucket of cold water on her. She could recognize that scent anywhere. 

Niylah visibly freezes when the Commander enters her shop, eyes focused and alert. 

Lexa strolls in as if she owns the place, her well built boots softly clanking on the wooden floor beneath her feet. She offers Niylah no smile as she approaches, just her intimidating presence which already has Niylah visibly shaking. 

"To what do I owe the pleasure, Heda?" Niylah manages to force out with a small smile. 

Lexa stands there, hands clasped behind her back studying the blonde before her. Niylah can feel herself start to sweat, knowing if Lexa finds Clarke hiding in the back she might not live to see tomorrow. 

"I'm looking for someone of extreme importance," Lexa says with-holding Niylah's gaze. "Have you seen a young blonde come into your store?" 

Niylah shakes her head dismissively. "No Heda, I have not." 

Clarke feels like she hasn't breathed since Lexa stepped through that door. Her feet are rooted to the floor, hands shaking at her side. All hatred for Lexa has dissipated and she is left with quivering fear of being caught. 

Lexa seems unhappy with the answer as she pulls out a sketch, sliding it across the counter to Niylah. "Here is a sketch of her. She has blonde hair and blue eyes. Average height and slender build." 

Lexa refrains from describing Clarke and her beautiful features. She knew she would be here too long if she did that and it was unfitting of her role as Heda to babble on like a love sick puppy.

In any other situation, Niylah would be impressed by how much the sketch looks exactly like Clarke. Right now she just feels trapped and under interrogation. She is also sure Lexa can sense her fear.

"No sorry, I've never seen her." 

Lexa doesn't move, her eyes so laser focused on Niylah it feels like she's tearing her open. 

Her next words leave Niylah with dread. "Do you mind if I look around?" 

It wasn't a question and they both know it. Niylah grips the edge of the counter, feeling her face split with the most forced smile she could muster.

"Of course, Heda."

Clarke wakes out of her translucent state and panics excessively. Her eyes look around the room for any place she could possibly hide only to find none.  _ This can't be happening!  _ Her own mind screams at her radically. She's running out of time and she knows it, heavy footsteps echoing throughout the shop as they come closer. There is only one exit and it's at the front of the shop. 

Clarke rips the curtain back, not daring to look at Lexa who stops into a stunned state. She runs, shooting out of there like a speeding bullet. Clarke who was becoming familiar with the shop turns down a small aisle to avoid Lexa, bolting out the front door. She's running now, full speed not daring to look back. Legs pumping, adrenaline rushing through her veins she maneuvers between the trees with utmost grace. Her heart is pounding, lungs screaming in agony with her out of shape body but Clarke doesn't stop. She knows she can't stop. She will keep running until her legs give out. Clarke also doesn't dare to look behind her, afraid she will find Lexa hot on her trail. 

So Clarke does what Lexa did to her on the Mountain… she leaves and never looks back. 

  
  



	4. Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa finally talk after Mount Weather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terribly sorry for the delayed update. Alot was going on in my life including fixing my car and getting another horse along with finishing a birthday video for a friend... thanks for bearing with me though! Your reward is this is a longer chapter than the rest! xD
> 
> This ends with a major cliffhanger. Yes, I'm an asshole ;)
> 
> You know the drill, follow me on twitter for updates and to chat or just to get to know the crazy lady writing these stories 😜  
> http://www.twitter.com/ClexaWriter

Clarke doesn't know how long she's been running for, struggling to catch her breath as she leans against one of the trees in the dense forest. Her legs are screaming in pure agony, heart beating like a drum. She knows she cannot outrun Lexa, not this time. 

Clarke sees Lexa rather than hears her. She breaks out of the trees silently, faltering in her footsteps at the sight of Clarke. She is just as beautiful as Clarke remembers, cape flowing behind her in the light breeze. She stands there in her full Commander attire, regal as ever.

Lexa has spent so long searching for Clarke that now that she has found her, she struggles to know exactly what to do next. So Lexa silently stands a safe distance away, eyes never leaving Clarke as if she might disappear again if she dares to look away. While Clarke will always be the most beautiful woman in her eyes, Lexa can't help but notice her hourglass body becoming quite thin and frail. It's the first pang in her chest.

Clarke can't bring herself to hold Lexa's gaze, afraid if she does she might crumble and she will be damned if she appears weak infront of her again. Her nails dig into the bark of the tree in pure frustration and anger at the situation she finds herself in. All she wanted was to be left alone and  _ try  _ to move on but fate had other plans. 

The awkward silence begins to weigh heavy on them both and Clarke seems to finally have found her voice after a prolonged silence.

"Why are you here?" 

They both know the answer to that question but Clarke asks anyways, daring Lexa to answer. 

"I wanted to see you." Lexa speaks in such a raw, tender voice leaving the mask of Heda far behind. She may have the makeup caked on her face but the ruthless Heda is not there, just the pure vulnerability that is Lexa.

"Yeah well, I don't want to see you." 

Clarke can't see Lexa's hurtful look as her eyes remain casted down at the ground but it's there and she knows it when Lexa struggles to find her next words. 

"I needed to find you and make sure you're alive." 

"No thanks to you, oh mighty Commander." Clarke spats, pure venom in her voice. The absolute vulnerability Lexa is displaying only infuriates her even more. 

"I did what needed to be done to save my people, Clarke. I need you to understand that." 

Clarke pushes away from the tree, finally facing Lexa as her hands clench into fists and the fury within is set free. "We were supposed to save them together! Me, as your soon to be mate, as a team… but you ruined it. You chose to sacrifice me and my people to save your own ass, so all I understand is how little I really meant to you!" 

Lexa steps forward, pure despair painted on her face. "You mean everything to me, Clarke! I never meant to hurt you and I know that I have, but I went back to save you-"

"It was too late to save me, not after you left me there to die and I had to kill them all without you by my side." Clarke doesn't even realize she's crying, sobbing actually as tears trickle down like a waterfall. She is reminded again of the smell of burnt flesh, of the echoing screams she will never get out of her head. All that pain linked to the woman before her and Clarke keeps unleashing all the pain she pushed down so deep inside. 

"I loved you, Lexa. I was ready to face a war with you, to unite our people. I was ready to build a life with you but you threw that away as if it meant nothing. I can never forgive you for that or look at you the same again." 

Lexa doesn't even stop the sobs, her own pain matching that of Clarke's. They stand there in the woods, facing each other yet mourning the loss of one another. The pure hatred Clarke is showing her is enough to break Lexa completely, the words only further digging the knife through her already bleeding heart. Lexa has never felt pain quite like this, not even with Costia. Clarke is the only person who can render the Commander of the twelve clans absolutely helpless. 

"I can't lose you again, Clarke." Her voice breaks and she chokes back another sob, the pain in her chest neverending.

"You'll never have me again, Lexa." 

Lexa ignores her words, wiping the tears away with the back of her hand. She stands tall and tries to regain her composure. "I need you to come with me. It's not safe for you." 

Clarke is half tempted to question what she means before thinking this all is just one giant tactic of Lexa's to establish control again.  _ Typical Alpha fashion,  _ Clarke thinks. 

"I'm not going anywhere with you." Clarke crosses her arms, feet planted firmly in place challenging Lexa. She wants Lexa would challenge her, hoping she does.

"Let me bring you to Polis and protect you." 

"Protect me from what?" 

Lexa doesn't answer, only pleads with her eyes for Clarke to relent and not fight her on this. Clarke knows realistically the best place for her to be  _ and the baby  _ is with Lexa. She loathes the thought but now with a baby on the way she knows she can't be selfish no matter how badly she wants to be. She has someone else she needs to look out for and always put first. 

Before Clarke can give a snarky reply, a wave of nausea sweeps over her. She turns her back to Lexa, stumbling a few feet before clutching her stomach as she begins to vomit. Clarke wonders if this is another bout of morning sickness or just the result of her nerves being on overdrive. 

Lexa fights herself from rushing over to Clarke's side, fearing the inevitable rejection if she did. She takes a few hesitant steps forward, her pristine face scrunched up with worry. 

"You didn't tell me you were sick…"

"I'm fine." 

"Clarke… you don't seem fine." 

Clarke grows even more irritable between Lexa's worried responses and her inability to stop vomiting. "I said I'm fine!" 

Possibly for the first time since becoming Commander, Lexa feels helpless and it's a feeling she has no experience in dealing with. She wants to comfort Clarke, pull her hair out of her face as she vomits. She wants to whisper soothing words and rub small circles delicately across her back. Her heart aches in knowing Clarke just might kill her if she tried. 

Clarke wipes the hair out of her face, turning back to face Lexa when she's done. Lexa can only stare at her love, taking in the poor condition she's in. She notices Clarke's sunken cheekbones and the sleep deprivation from the dark lines under those inquisitive eyes. 

"You're sick," Lexa says, feeling entirely to blame for Clarke's current state. It sends another sharp stabbing pain through her chest.

"Sick of you, yeah."  _ So childish of you, Clarke  _ she thinks to herself.

"I'm worried about you."

"So now you're worried? How nice of you."

The more Lexa speaks to Clarke, the more defeated and kicked down she feels. While Clarke has always been sassy and witty, this goes beyond anything she's dealt with. It leaves her with a sickening feeling in her own stomach and she feels no amount of training as Commander could ever prepare her for the wrath of one scorned blonde omega. 

"Let me help you. Come with me to Polis." It's a plea and they both know it. Lexa knows she can't and won't take no for an answer. She lost Clarke once… she will be damned to lose her again. 

Clarke gives her that defiant glare. "I don't want to be around you."

"I'll give you your space. I won't intrude." 

Lexa hopes it won't always be like this; but Clarke at a small distance in Polis is better than a long distance here in the wilderness. She might finally sleep better knowing Clarke is in the same city, in the same tower that she resides in herself. She hopes she can come to accept the close living arrangements being the only thing she receives from Clarke. The pain in her chest only starts to increase. 

Clarke can't imagine being so close and near Lexa, especially since this is the only viable option for her current situation. While Niylah may offer and try her best, it's not a burden she can easily bestow on the Beta. Going back to Camp Jaha is most definitely out of the question. She still cannot face the people she so desperately saved. So where does that leave her? With Lexa… again. Trapped in a never ending cycle with Lexa, it makes her situation feel almost unbearable. How can she live with someone she loathes? How can she live with someone who betrayed her and left her to die? How can she heal? How can she even raise a child with Lexa? It's all questions she has no answers for. But Clarke knows if anyone can keep her unborn child safe, it's Lexa and that thought alone makes her relent. 

"I'll stay with you… for now." Clarke only says the last part to appease herself. She tries not to growl at Lexa's relief. She doesn't deserve to feel  _ anything  _ but pain. 

"Thank you, Clarke. You won't regret it."

"I already do." 

Lexa only nods, knowing not to expect anything more than pure fury from the blonde. She turns her back to Clarke and begins walking. 

"Wait!" Clarke says, causing Lexa to pause. "I need to go back to the shop. I have to say goodbye." 

Lexa's eyes darken slightly, posture becoming rigid. "That would not be wise, Clarke. She lied to me, her Commander and knowingly hid you when I sent many to try to find you." 

Clarke stared her down, and if looks could kill Lexa would be just that. "She helped me and protected me. She saved me from starvation. That should mean something to you."

"If she had done what she was told to do, I would have found you sooner and saved you myself!" Lexa finds herself growing impatient and frustrated. As Commander, defiance from her people is not something she tolerates. In most cases, defiance is met with death. 

"You will not hurt her, Lexa. If you do I will not come with you willingly." Clarke knew threatening Lexa was not ideal but she also knew how ruthless the brunette could be. The time she nearly killed Octavia flashes through her mind. 

Lexa locks her jaw, eyes blazing as Clarke challenges her. Her inner alpha is demanding she be put in her place but Lexa withholds. Dragging a kicking and screaming Clarke all the way to Polis is not something she wishes to do. She has Lexa over a barrel and they both know it. Clarke only stares, further challenging her and not backing down. The determination and hard headed nature of the blonde is something Lexa once related to, but now it only works against her. 

Lexa nods, forcefully waving the imaginary white flag and ending a soon to be showdown. Clarke gives her a minuscule once over before falling into step beside her, heading back to the shop she was beginning to call home. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Clarke didn't realize how far she had actually ran until their journey back took somewhere close to an hour. Her legs were shaking with pure exhaustion by the time they reached the shop. Meanwhile, Lexa was entirely unphased by the physical activity of today and it only irked Clarke more that Lexa had such a well toned body.

Lexa's horse was tied to a tree just in front of the shop, waiting for her arrival. She gave the black beauty a pat before approaching the shop and holding the door open for Clarke. 

Clarke moved inside, shooting Lexa an unamused look upon entering. She could care less for her chivalry. 

Niylah was waiting behind the counter, a look of relief upon seeing Clarke and one of terror seeing Lexa enter right behind her. 

Clarke knew behind her back Lexa was giving Niylah a death glare, pheromones pumping out into the air. Niylah gripped the counter, feeling like she was prey about to be ripped to shreds. 

"She won't hurt you," Clarke tells her but Niylah doesn't seem convinced in the slightest. Neither does Lexa as she embraces Heda, the vulnerability she once showed earlier stowed away entirely. 

Niylah refuses to look at Lexa, knowing if she does she might send herself into a full blown anxiety attack. Clarke is a good focus point for her and she doesn't look away. 

"Is everything okay?" Niylah tentatively asks, knowing  _ nothing  _ about the situation is relatively okay. 

Clarke only shakes her head. "No, that's why I wanted to come and talk to you… to say goodbye."

"Goodbye?"

"Yes, I'm going to Polis…"

"With Lexa?" 

Clarke didn't even have to answer, they both knew. Niylah could only stare, holding back the tears. She knew eventually this day would come but she hadn't expected it to be so soon. Clarke was not hers… she would never be hers. The fantasy she conjured up in her head of the two of them was never going to happen because whether Clarke wanted to admit it or not, she belonged with Lexa. 

Clarke looks at her with watery eyes, taking a hesitant step forward. "I want to thank you for everything you've done for me. You saved me." 

Niylah's lips turn up into that warm comforting smile of hers. "I would gladly do it again. You're amazing, Clarke." 

Clarke smiles back, casting her gaze over to Lexa only to find she is no longer there. Niylah follows her trail of sight, realization dawning on both of them. She was no longer in  _ this room _ which only meant…

A loud noise echoes throughout the shop, the sound coming from the back room. The two blondes waste no time in rushing back there to the private living quarters. 

Throwing back the sheet over the makeshift door, Clarke sees Lexa standing in the middle of the room. The bed was in shambles around her feet, hands clenching to the bedsheets. Clarke quickly figured out the problem at that point, knowing how well a powerful Alpha such as Lexa could smell. 

Clarke is struggling to form  _ any  _ kind of words, only tentatively taking a step forward. Lexa spins on her feet and she's charging, moving in such a swift blur Clarke has no chance to process what is about to happen. Lexa pushes Clarke out of the way, causing her to stumble back against the nearest wall. Lexa sees a fiery burning red she hasn't seen in years as her hands close around a completely stunned Niylah's throat. She squeezes and shakes the beta like a ragdoll, swiping her leg out and knocking Niylah off her feet. She hits the floor hard, letting out a strangled moan from the pain. Lexa descends on her in a second, one hand locked around her throat and the other reaching for her belt. 

Clarke can only watch in horror as Lexa pulls out a blade and holds it up to Niylah's neck saying, " _ Yu gonplei stei odon _ ."


	5. Hell Hath No Fury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does Lexa kill Niylah? We shall see...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I'm so sorry for the late update. I've been so burnt out on writing and literally everything if I'm being honest. So bare with me and have some patience, I'm still trying here! Thanks for all the love and support. 
> 
> You know the drill, follow me on twitter! ;)  
> http://www.twitter.com/ClexaWriter

Clarke can't believe what is happening. Lexa has discovered her sleeping arrangements with Niylah and has a knife to her throat threatening to take her life. It's another harsh reality Clarke finds herself in.

Lexa is on top of Niylah, holding her down with the blade pressed firmly against her throat. Her legs are on each side of Niylah, her petite frame managing to hold the Beta down with ease. Niylah can only look up at Lexa with absolute uncanny fear in her eyes. She knows she's going to die and she's not ready for it. She's not ready to die at the hands of her own leader, to have her whole life stripped away because she slept with the wrong person.

Clarke knows if she doesn't act fast, Lexa will kill Niylah and she will be damned to let that happen. Without any hesitation she grabs the nearest knife she can find, one they use to cut up meat, and holds it to Lexa's throat.

Lexa freezes, immediately sensing the blade against her own throat and who it is threatening her. It temporarily breaks her out of her translucent state.

"Let her go, Lexa." Clarke's words break the eerie silence and Niylah's wide eyes dart over to Clarke's.

Lexa doesn't back down this time, not even a little. Clarke trembles ever so slightly as the Alpha dominance is on full display now.

"She slept with you, she must die."

If the situation wasn't so vitally serious, Clarke would be rolling her eyes. "We aren't together, Lexa. Who I sleep with is none of your concern."

That answer only angers Lexa more, as a deep low growl echoes throughout the room. "You're mine, Clarke. You will always be my mate and she disrespected me again."

"I'm not your mate!" Clarke shouts at her. "You ruined any chance of that ever happening."

Lexa only begins to push the knife into Niylah's throat, causing blood to run down her neck. Clarke holds the knife closer to Lexa in response.

"If you kill her, there will be no us; not even as friends or allies. I will spend the rest of my days hating you."

Her words seem to rattle Lexa a little bit, the knife faltering just a tad. Lexa seems to contemplate her words, knowing she can't lose any hope of having Clarke somewhat in her life. Yet knowing Niylah slept with Clarke, her Clarke, is not something she can just get over either. It sends her blood boiling, alpha pheromones pumping into the air. The thought of someone else touching Clarke in such an intimate sacred way is sickening, heartbreaking, and indignant all in one. She wants nothing more than to make Niylah pay, to watch the life drain from her eyes. She wants to be the one to end her fight and _Oh God_ is it tempting. But everything comes at a price, and if the price is forever losing Clarke then that's not a price she's willing to pay.

Without uttering a word, Lexa removes the knife from Niylah's throat and puts it back in its sheath. Niylah chokes as she finally breathes, now realizing she had been holding her breath all this time. Lexa stands ever so slowly, eyes never moving from Niylah as she stares down her potential prey. Clarke too lets out the breath she's been holding, shoulders slumping as she lets go of her rigid posture.

Lexa is probably expecting a thank you but Clarke won't give it to her. She's already fed up with Lexa's antics and briefly wonders how she's going to make the trip back to Polis with her. If it wasn't for the baby, she wouldn't even be going anywhere with Lexa.

Clarke rushes to Niylah's side, shooting daggers at Lexa as she brushes past. She helps lift Niylah on her feet, staggering against Clarke for support. Lexa lets out a low warning growl at the close proximity.

"Get the fuck over yourself, Lexa." Clarke is practically seething at the uncontrollable jealousy coming from Lexa.

Niylah however takes two steps away from Clarke, hands held up in a submissive gesture. She knows not to test Lexa's patience at this point and wants to avoid another incident. Niylah is pretty sure she wouldn't make it out alive if she pissed Lexa off again.

Clarke is way past caring about upsetting Lexa or not. All she feels is so much anger towards her ex lover that it's spewing out of her at this point, like a volcano erupting. She clenches her fists at her side to avoid lashing out at Lexa. All she wants to do is smack the jealousy and attitude right out of her but knows better than to attempt that. So instead, she uses her cutting words.

"I don't care if you're the Commander or an Alpha. If you ever do something _so stupid_ again, I'm done. Do you understand that?"

Lexa only gives her a defiant stare back, not uttering a word. She too has her hands clenched, the beast within barely subdued.

Niylah stands a safe distance away but breaks the tension between the two. "You should go with her, Clarke."

Clarke hates the way her heart drops a little at Niylah's dismissal, like she's getting rid of her. She knows she's right but to hear it from Niylah no less doesn't help the situation. Clarke can only dumbfoundedly nod, eyes full of sadness. Niylah quickly became her crutch, her distraction in this short time. Having to face her fear and the pain that Lexa caused only further ails her.

"Thank you for everything," Clarke manages to choke out, forcing a smile on her face. Niylah does the same.

"I have cherished our time together, Clarke. You will be missed."

Lexa loudly clears her throat in response. They both temporarily ignore her.

Clarke wants to reach out and hug Niylah but stops herself, not wanting to provoke Lexa again. So she offers a weak sad smile instead.  
"May we meet again."

The words make Niylah smile a bit more, the hope of seeing Clarke again bring her some sort of peace.

"May we meet again."

Lexa wastes no time in steering Clarke to the door, her icy stare on Niylah as they exit the shop. She feels relieved to already be putting some distance between Niylah and Clarke.

Now she can focus on getting Clarke _home_ , back to Polis.


	6. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa puts Clarke in her place and Clarke figures out something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry, I really did try to have this done sooner! Everytime I tried to write I would get too tired and give up, but alas it's here. Super sorry with how horrible this chapter is, I tried my best. 
> 
> I'm now pretty active on Twitter if you wanna follow me... I'm also friendly and you can feel free to chat with me 😊  
> http://www.twitter.com/ClexaWriter 
> 
> Until next time xoxo

Lexa swings up into the saddle with ease as Clarke stares awestruck at Zakhar. She has only seen horses once, when Anya rode up on one when they had their meeting at the bridge. This would be her second encounter with one and she's amazed at the beauty of these creatures. Lexa only looks down at her slightly amused as she offers her hand for Clarke to take. 

"Come, Clarke. Let me take you to my home where you'll be safe."

Her eyes snap up to Lexa and her outstretched hand. "Yeah, I once thought I was safe with you but look how that turned out." 

The small smile Lexa had on her face quickly disappears and her shoulders sag, feeling defeated. "How many times do I have to tell you I never meant to hurt you?" 

"Until it sticks," Clarke bites back. 

She sees the pained look on Lexa's face, the bags under her eyes from countless sleepless nights without Clarke and it makes her scorned crusade falter momentarily. She feels bad for Lexa in those few moments before her own pain comes rushing to the surface and squashes all sympathy from her body. 

Clarke slaps Lexa's hand away. "I'd rather walk." 

Lexa swings down from her horse in one swift motion, advancing on Clarke. She feels  _ fear _ and  _ excitement _ knowing the Alpha side of Lexa has kicked in. The odds aren't in her favor but even Clarke knows that Lexa can only be pushed so far. She has snapped and Clarke can only back up with each step Lexa takes towards her. 

"I've had enough, Clarke! You're like a child. I can't even reason with you."

_ As if _ someone as stubborn as Clarke would back down. She shoves one pointed finger into Lexa's chest. "Of course you expect me to just submit and go along like a happy little Omega with whatever you wanna do!"

"I expect you to listen and be able to act like an adult," Lexa fires back.

"No, you expect me to forgive and forget. You expect me to fall back in line and have  _ everything  _ between us return to normal. That's not how things work!" 

They both stand mere inches apart, breathing heavily as their anger rises. Their eyes remain locked on one another, scanning the other for a momentarily sign of weakness. Lexa doesn't cave, not this time. She’s done with Clarke’s measly behavior. She is just  _ done. _

"You can make this easy or you can make this hard, Clarke."

Clarke arches an eyebrow and lets out a small laugh. She's not intimidated in the slightest. "You’re threatening me now? How classy of you, Lexa."

Lexa refrains from responding but instead closes the small gap between them. She feels like she is dealing with a child and therefore, she will treat Clarke as such. Hands wrap around Clarke's waist and Lexa's hot breath ghosts against her face. Clarke innerly curses herself from the tingling sensation down below at such a simple contact. _Fuck you hormones,_ she thinks. Lexa however leaves Clarke startled as she hoists her over her shoulder, doing the complete opposite of what Clarke expected. The anger multiplies tenfold.

"Put me down, Lexa!" 

Lexa simply keeps walking back to her horse, hauling a kicking and screaming Clarke over her shoulder. "I'm sorry it had to come to this, Clarke." 

She lifts Clarke up into the saddle like she's nothing more than a sack of potatoes, swinging up behind her. The blonde jerks against her, hands digging into Lexa's thighs. Clarke is  _ pissed _ . 

"You're absolutely fucking insane." 

Lexa switches to a more gentle approach as she wraps her arms around Clarke's torso reaching for the reins. She is aware of how close they really are… the closest they’ve been in weeks. The warmth of Clarke’s body pressed against her own, their bodies actually touching and Lexa still being alive despite it. She can smell her scent and the faint difference in it, like it’s tangled with something else she can’t quite put her finger on.

“You smell different.”

The comment makes Clarke tense up and Lexa senses it, curiosity peaking even more. Clarke knows that right now she can’t tell Lexa the truth and squashes the inner thought of  _ when will you?  _ With their already extremely rocky relationship, springing the news on Lexa will only make things more catastrophic and Clarke knows reduced stress in her pregnancy is not a good thing.

"I haven't had many baths lately," it's a lame excuse and Clarke knows it. While it is true, she knows that's not the real reason. The question is, will Lexa? 

Lexa is silent, seeming to contemplate her response. There is doubt in the back of her mind over the honesty of Clarke's words. She is tempted to pry but with the close proximity they both find themselves in, Lexa relents. Clarke breathes again. 

As Zakhar begins to move on their journey to Polis, Clarke lets herself fall back against Lexa as strong arms hold her. Briefly, she forgets the hatred and focuses on the comfort. That little moment of weakness she can spare. She remembers more simplistic times when things were actually  _ good  _ between them. When they were in love and facing the world together. How did they stray so far?

Clarke wonders what their future will hold. Can she ever trust Lexa again? And what about the baby…  _ their  _ baby? It makes the situation between them vastly more complicated and she finds herself hating Lexa again at the situation she's put them both in. Things would have been so much easier if Lexa stood beside Clarke at Mount Weather like she was supposed to do. They wouldn't be in this mess. She wouldn't feel heartbreak so severe it leaves her numb and barely alive after awhile. It would make raising a child easier. Everything would just be  _ so much easier.  _

"Stop thinking so much, Clarke." It's no surprise Lexa knows her well enough to know when she's stuck inside her own head. 

"I can't…" Clarke tries to ignore how small and sad her voice is. 

"The past is in the past. Let's focus on the future." 

_ Easy for you to say,  _ Clarke thinks to herself. What even would a future with Lexa look like? Do they even  _ have  _ a future together? If Clarke can't forgive Lexa there will be no hope of a future together. Even in Clarke's own stubborn mind, a future with  _ no Lexa  _ makes her heart clench and tears prickle at her eyes. It makes her feel more alone. It makes her feel more scared than she did at Mount Weather… and that's when Clarke realizes she needs Lexa as much as Lexa needs her. 


End file.
